Surviving experiences of sexual violence
Also on this page:
- Ask for help
- Do things you enjoy
- Express it
- Keep in touch with friends
- Phone a supportline
- Remember your rights and what you're worth
- Surviving
- Try to talk about it
If you are being sexually abused in any way or feel that it may happen again, tell a trusted adult who can help you and keep telling somebody until you get the response you need. If you don’t know whom to tell, or you are scared about what might happen after you have told, phone a support line.
It can be very scary making that first call but they are there to support you and they will try to help you. You don’t have to give your full name or address, or say anything you don’t want to. They can help you look at your options and give you information on what might happen if you choose to report.
They can put you in touch with services in your area that provide counselling or services that can support you if you are worried about your sexual health or pregnancy, or you need advice on any other matters.
There are many young women who have experienced sexual violence - you are not alone. It may have happened a long time ago, quite recently or the abuse may still be ongoing. You deserve support no matter what you experienced or when it was.
Phone a support line
If you’re feeling depressed, worthless, hopeless, and suicidal or feeling the urge to hurt yourself or somebody else, then ring a confidential support line as soon as possible.
Also seek help if you’re finding it hard to sleep, to concentrate, to enjoy the things you usually like doing or you feel that your eating patterns are becoming out of control.
Try to talk about it
It may have happened years ago or quite recently - either way it’s important that you share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.
Surviving
Sometimes things can feel too much to cope with - all you can do is take one day at a time and don’t be too hard on yourself. It may feel like things won’t get better but they will eventually. Get whatever support you can to help you through.
Express it
It is very common to feel alone and overwhelmed by the effects of sexual violence and by other problems in our lives. It can help to talk about them and to express your feelings, whether you need to cry or get angry.
There are many positive safe ways of expressing feelings. If talking is not for you, try writing your feelings down, draw or paint a messy mixture of colours, dance or beat a drum or a pillow. If you don’t know where to begin, a youth worker, counsellor or support line can give you some ideas.
Keep in touch with friends
Don’t think you have to struggle on alone. If you feel you can’t connect with people right now, tell your friends that you are going through a hard time and need their company, even if you don’t want to talk just yet. Friends are important, especially at difficult times.
Ask for help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help - whether it’s from friends, family, support or counselling services or helplines. You will not be seen as weak or stupid but as responsible. Everybody goes through difficult patches - you are not alone. The less you have to worry about, the easier you will be able to deal with any effects of your experiences.
Do things you enjoy
It can be hard to remember what we enjoy and even harder to find any energy to pursue our hobbies when we feel so low. We need the enjoyable things in life to help us cope with the hard times.
Do whatever makes you feel good or try something new that helps you relax or have fun e.g. walking and appreciating nature, singing, dancing or juggling. See if there are any young women’s groups in your area that may run free classes in assertiveness, confidence & self-esteem, drumming, circus skills, drama or yoga.
Remember your rights and what you're worth
Survivors of sexual violence can feel worthless and undeserving of care and respect as a result of their experiences. Put reminders of your rights and your worth where you can see them regularly e.g. on the mirror, your wardrobe door, in your pocket, next to your bed.
It can be difficult to believe positive things about ourselves so it is useful to write them down and keep reading them until we do believe them.
Try writing yourself a list of all your positive qualities and add them to these reminders.
- I have the right to be treated with respect.
- I have equal respect for myself and for other people.
- I have the right to say “no” to sex I don’t want.
- It’s okay for me to change my mind.
- No-one has the right to hurt me in any way.
- I can accept praise; I know I have good points.
- I can take responsibility for my behaviour that may be harmful to myself or to others - I am open to change.
- It’s okay for me to make mistakes - I can learn from them.
- It’s okay to express my feelings, thoughts and opinions.
